Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Anxiety: My Story

Anxiety it's a everyday struggle for me. Ive dealt with anxiety/ depression most of my life. It started way back in Jr.High, my 8th grade year. I didn't quite understand what was happening to me. Back then it was more depression than anything with a slight anxiety or panic attack now and then. I was put on medications witch helped. I remember starting my 8th grade year with excitement, walking new grounds, more freedom, and the feeling of becoming a teen. By the middle of the year it was a way different feeling, I dreaded going to school, I couldn't deal with the the kids or the teachers. Eventually I stopped going everyday and my work fell behind, i almost didn't make it to the next year. Even though I say 8th grade was my best year it was still very hard for me. Freshman year was about the same, but it did get better. As I started to become more defined as a person, and taking my medication regularly I was free! I rarely had any problems. Now it's way different. I dropped out of school earlier this year. I would have graduated. I moved in with my husband to be,he works while I sit at home going crazy! Ive been on my own since last summer. I was fine for awhile but these last few recent months have been so hard. My anxiety has become out of control, and now the depression has kicked in. I wake in the morning sad, knowing that there is nothing I can do to change the way I feel. Some days I cant leave the house knowing that I could have an anxiety attack at any moment. The thought that I will have one in public scares me. Almost everyday I feel sick, and at night I sometimes cant sleep because I think i am gonna die. I feel this way almost everyday 24/7. My mind plays tricks on me and sometimes I cant tell if there is anything wrong or if it's an anxiety attack. It has diffidently ruined my life in many ways. I cant go to the doctor because I don't have Medicaid and it's a lot of money we do not have. What gets me though this is the fact that I have people to talk to. My mother and David (hubby) has been a very strong influence, and also knowing that millions deal with anxiety and depression everyday, knowing that I am not alone makes me a lot stronger. I am only 18 years old, And I want to live my life, I want to be normal. Some days are better than others. I can honestly say this week has been the best with minor difficulties, but Ive made though. So the reason for this post is to get this off my chest and also for anyone who has these issues, you are not alone. My hopes for the future is to someday live life with out the restraints of anxiety. I would like to travel, to have a career and to be happy. So if you somehow stumble across this post leave me a comment telling me about your story or any difficulties with anxiety/depression. We can get though it together.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you are going through, Ivory. I know what it is like to have anxiety and sucks. I love ya and you will get better.